Dear Heartbreak

Dear Heartbreak,

I have fallen hard into your grasp once again, sitting here feeling like I am being crushed by some invisible force; struggling to breathe and ready to shatter at any minute. Nothing is going right lately, and I am so overwhelmed that I could almost say that I find solace in your presence. You seem to be one of the only constants in my life these days. How pathetic.

I keep hoping that each time I get over you I’ll be stronger for the next time, but we both know I’m too weak. I don’t think I’ll ever completely get over each of the traumas we’ve been through. We both know that I care too much and will always put myself second. I’m also terrible at confrontation and facing my fears, but have had enough of feeling this low and am ready for a change. 

People praise me for how passionate I am, telling me it’s so hard to find these days, but they don’t know that my passion will end up being my downfall. I care too much about others and am always too willing to help. I’m too “all or nothing”, and find myself caught up in situations I didn’t necessarily want to be a part of but never know how to get myself out of them. 

You continue to make me forget who I am, how strong I can be, and what I want out of life. You make me put up this wall; this “strong front” that is a different person from who I am and it’s starting to get me into trouble. I am not the girl that slacks off at work, doesn’t care about anyone or anything, or who looks for validation from men - but you are turning me into that person. When you’re around I always feel as though I am losing my mind - and maybe I am. Maybe loving as hard as I do will drive me to insanity, but I’d rather have loved with every damn ounce of my being than never have cared at all. I have always let you consume every piece of me - but no more. 

Today I start finding my inner peace.

Today I choose happy.

I hope that the next time we meet will be the last, because I will no longer let you live my life for me.

Today I take back control.