I’m guessing you don’t because you’ve chosen not to reach out and talk to me, instead checking up on me through social media. What’s more pathetic.. That you’re always in the first three to see what I posted? Or that I check constantly to see if you’ve seen it? Oh, did you think I wouldn’t check to see if you watched my Snapchat and Instagram stories?
I see that you’re doing well, but I hope you can see that I am too. I’ll admit that some days are better than others, and I’d be lying if I said you don’t cross my mind more times than you should. You’re still everywhere around me; I see your face in crowds, things that remind me of you, memories together, your laughter haunts me when I hear a good joke.
This letter isn’t going to be as rough as my last one, but is something I need to get off my chest regardless. You ghosted me. Out of nowhere you stopped responding to messages, and pretended I didn’t exist. Could you tell that I was falling? Did that freak you out? Because the more I look back on it I can’t see where along the line we went wrong. All of this bullshit was unnecessary, you were selfish and even if you apologized I don’t think I’d believe it.
Am I naive in thinking we could’ve been great together? We had so much in common, both from places we’ve lived, movies we liked, sports to watch - we could’ve talked about anything.
As you’ve seen, I’ve got new boyfriend. He’s great, really. It’s been almost five months but I feel like I’ve known him for years. We moved a lot faster than you and I did, but I think I rushed it because I was afraid he’d slip out of my fingers like you did. I’m really happy in my relationship, but I’ve got to admit you fucked me up a bit. I’m always afraid of looking too needy in case that scares him like it did you, or letting myself get vulnerable again and he walk away. Looks like you took some notes from the last guy to mess me up, and gave me more reasons to constantly keep a wall up and not trust people.
I said this letter wasn’t going to be tough, so I’ll tell you some of the things I’m thankful for that came out of our time together. You motivated me more than you’ll know - I was in a rough place in my life and you pushed me in the right direction to get more of what I wanted. You encouraged me to step down at work and go back to school, the only person that thought I could handle it again. I felt like a different person around you, you were always so full of life and I wanted to enjoy it with you. My confidence grew, I spoke my mind, and I thank you for that.
I’m not perfect, but neither are you. You probably don’t see your hand in this as you have slight narcissistic tendencies, but you always made me feel small. You liked to treat me like a “fragile blonde from a small town” but I was more your equal than you can see. You liked thinking that I needed someone to guide me and take care of me, but I am more than capable of standing on my own two feet.
One of us had to speak, and you know I like to have the last word.
Take care of yourself,
Take care of yourself,
Kristina.
